Colonia, Uruguay is a great place loaded with dogs. On every corner you turn there’s bound to be one. They’re like little guides that lead you through the town, as if they know exactly where you want to go. We went to Colonia on a day trip from Buenos Aires. We took the Buquebus ferry early one morning and arrived around 10:00 am to find the town was still asleep. The shops and banks were all closed and only a few cars were driving through the quiet streets. Since no people were around, we were glad that the dogs were there to greet us and show us around.
There was one dog we liked more than all the others we ran into. We called him Harrison, Harrison Ford. He started following us right after we got off the boat from Buenos Aires, He could smell the croissants that were in Paula’s bag. He kept jumping up and trying to get one, and instead of letting the dog suffer, she threw him a crossaint. He devoured it so fast it was crazy. He was one hungry dog. It was sort of like he was magic because he would turn a corner and leave us and then he would pop up on the opposite side of the street two blocks later. We found many other dogs as we walked around the town and named most of them. Here are just a few: Luigi Vito, Olaf Jorgesen, Walter the Farting Dog (from the famous children’s books), Owen Wilson (from the movies), Ben Rouse (from my mom’s Sunday School class), Juan Diego, and Lassie (from TV). We separated all the dogs into two groups, the Penthousers and the Street Dogs.
We made up a story about the dogs that basically had the two dog gangs pitted against each other in a great South American dog war. I was going to post it but it turned out be 5 pages when I wrote it all down. Mom and Dad said I could put the first few paragraphs in, which will give you an idea of what it sounds like. As far as the rest goes, let’s just say it centers around Walter and a smoking caterpillar.
It was a cold night in Colonia. The sky was pitch black. Harrison Ford and his men had just escaped being shredded apart by Luigi Vito and his minions. It had been yet another fierce battle over the Colonia port. Many of Harrison’s men were wounded, 7 of the 10 to be precise. Harrison was one of them. The air was polluted by the smell of Luigi’s urine which marked out the new boundary lines. The port had been divided into halves the night before, but now Luigi had over 3/5 of the total territory. Harrison’s men were huddled in a warehouse planning their next move.
Luigi had about 17 dogs, 18 if you count his mom the cook. Juan Diego, Harrison’s second in command, had broken his left front leg. Everyone could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke his first words since the battle, “We… we… we need Wal… Walter th… the Farting Dog!” There was more to this than you think. Walter was a neutral who was still deciding which gang to join. His flatulatory powers were legendary. Whoever got him on their side would win the city without having to shed any blood. The Penthousers had already offered Walter 15 kilos of pure ground beef. That was a whole lot for a dog the size of a racoon if not less. All the Street Dogs could offer was a roof over his head and three square meals a day. The Penthousers had already offered that along with the beef…
If you want to read more, let me know and I’ll email it to you. Even if you don’t, you should be sure to go to Colonia sometime and check out the dogs…and the caterpillar if he’s still around.